Wonders
I haven’t been on here in a while and I figured now is a good time to let my thoughts and feelings outbecause I will feel much relieved after doing so.I feel like I lost a lot of good friends to things that shouldn’t be lost to.Not just one friend,but a few….and I think that sucks because friends to me are considered blood and as we all know,blood is thicker than water.It hurts because I recently lost e GOOD friend ,and its like “damn..wow”….My poor boyfriend had to deal with my crying all night…It sucks because I feel this friend is getting closer toother people because they travel a lot together,share the same love of music and talk on the phone all the time……and when you travel a lot together,go to shows,talk on the phone all the time,and do stuff like that,while the “other” friend doesn’t,(me)that’s how friendships get lost and discommunicated….I hate not being able to use the phone.trust me.If I could,Id be calling all my friends every damn day.If I had money,Id be going to shows and travling with them.but I can’t.not that I don’t want to, I can’t.I have ajob,a son,an apt,bills top pay ,I wish wish wish wisiihhh I could just go on the raod woith my friends whenever I feel like it….and it hurts when I see my friends having the time of their lives ,wishing I could be there to share the experience.Im not saying im jealous that my friend is getting closer to other people that’s not the prob,the prob is that while she’s getting closer,im getting further away…I don’t know…losing friends are worse than breaking up with a boyfriend,or breaking a foot.it sucks.and I think that my friends that are telling me that Id put andrew before them is insane.its hard to explain b.c I prayed to be happy for a while,with the right person, b.c as my friends know I’ve been to Hell and back with my sons father,and whenI met Andrew,he became my Angel…and Im the happiest I’ve been …my parents are happy that im with him(even my dad which is saying a lot!),and u know what,my grandpa,who passed away,would have loved him.that makes me cry…b.c I know andrew would have loved him too.any man that my gpa would have liked is perfect.yes I know..it was too soon to move in together,(I Know!its been 7 months)but it feels like years.I wouldn’t have rushed to mae a desion like moving in together so soon, and as my close friends know,my MOM wouldn’t have let us move in together ,only if she knew it was a good choice.do I want to marry him and have kids with him,hell yes.I know im jjst blabbing now,just talking so damn randomly but im just talking from what’s coming 4rm my mind.if I leave it all in ill explode.I was thinking to myself the other day like damn,2009 is sucking already!I just wish I had a few months of pure,happness and joy…..no bullshit….I feel like also my friends don’t understand when My example of a wonderful life is being a mommy,working,going to school,being married….I love that.that’s not to say I don’t like to go out a nd have fun,of course I do,but..that’s how I want my life to be.just married with 2kids,working and going to school…….I dunno..call me crazy …..maybe I am.
Seriously…..Ryan looks JUST like Chris…matter of fact, he looks more like Chris than his other son…so…I dunno what He is talking about…
My next man or LITTLE man as I call him, is my best, best, best friend..ever.Andrew rocks, but Ryan rocks even more….I can’t imagine life without him.People always say..”Wow, you are so young to be a mom”..and I just scoff…age is nothing but a number, as long as you have the maturity,are responsible and have common sense…then….I think it’s all good.Ryan came into my life October 2nd, 2006.I picked the name Ryan, becasue I just love it…techincally his FULL name is Ryan Jaden Christopher Spence…but I HATE the last two names, for thats the name of his whack sperm donor….Cuddling with my son on a lazy day is the best feeling EVER…if you don’t have kids…you just dont..know…..wait until you do..then you will know what I am talking about…Ryan IS my LOVE.